Thursday, March 26, 2009

I think I've just about hit the end of my enthusiasm for working at home. At this point, I think it's tolerance. I'll be honest and say it's really taken a toll on my psyche and motivation. For those of you reading this from your desks at work, hearing your annoying cubicle neighbor or falling asleep in front of the screen, having to commute or face traffic every day, I can almost feel the communal eye roll. I know it's not all roses having to go to work either. I've been there. I've seen the light start to fill my apartment after a fitful night of sleep and wished that I didn't have to get up in an hour. I've cursed the mornings and myself for not being able to get the better of them as I'm once again, a few minutes late to work. I've hated my cubicle neighbor and the no space heater policy at most offices. I've had to deal with unbelievable bullshit of office politics, intolerable work environments that I just couldn't take, chinless nosy admins, and annoying bosses.

But, what I'm dealing with now can only come from isolation. Sure, many people are home during the day. After all, it's Los Angeles...c'mon. But, it's not the same, nor constant. I'm usually working, or in trying to stay awake to finish a job so that I can take that coveted nap. My days and nights have flopped again, but thankfully not as bad as they were, and I've completely lost my motivation and confidence in looking for a full-time job. It's from feeling separated from the world, which for the past few months I have. So, I feel like I don't know it anymore. Frankly, I'm a bit nervous about it. It's why I applied to the bookstore a couple weeks ago. That would at least get me out of the house and have me back to socializing in a work environment. As much as I enjoy my solitude, I do require a daily dose of conversation or interaction.

I'm also not making it financially. I'm making just under what I can barely sustain myself on, which means that I'm falling a little more behind each month. This job has a limited number of hours that I'm allowed to work, so that keeps the money low. Granted, I love seeing my work up on a major entertainment site, but I'm burned out and fading. I've lost a lot of luster for things, a direct result of so much time with myself and at home during the day. I think it's obvious on this blog that there aren't as many posts nor stories, and that's because I think my brain has shut down a little. And, because of the money situation, it's not like I can afford to take classes of any kind, such as painting or writing. As a result, I don't have a recharge button.

So, how to get out of this conundrum during a recession is going to be interesting. If it's not the lack of jobs, the depression is sitting on my head like a bully about to squeeze out a fart. And yeah, it's been bad. More than I've let on here. I can function, but I'm about so much more than just functioning. In fact, fuck functioning. I'm tired of operating at this base level and hate what is happening to my industry. Some of the job ads I read are comical for the experience they're asking for and what they are willing to pay. I've sent some fantastic responses to the most ridiculous ones...under a different email of course. Other jobs that seem promising just disappear. And, other days I forget to look because I can't see past the cocoon of isolation and that there's something beyond it. The thing is, I'm tired. Tired of the same old and tired of hustling for the next gig. So, I'm looking for full-time, which in these economic times is a rarity. I won't however, settle for a clown house like my last full-time job at the fashion company.

Hopefully something decent will pan out eventually. I'll just have to dig deep to find the energy to keep at it. Send good thoughts my way.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wanna hear a rockin' song with unbridled energy, click here. Should start playing right away. If not, click the player.

And, I happen to know the lead singer. Incredible talent, fantastic soulful-tinged rock vocalist. I have a lot of her stuff as a solo artist on my iPod. And, she's a good person too!

My recommendation? Download it and play it loud in your car. However, I'm not responsible for any sudden compulsions to drive like this.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I've been buried under work and taxes. Thankfully, not the usual pairing with taxes. I'm completely beat, and finished with taxes, but not work. In fact, I have one more bit of work to do tonight, and more tomorrow.

I had a very pleasant turn of the day when my friend Felix came over. It was great to see him and catch up a little. Unfortunately, my apartment was a complete paper-strewn sty when he came over, but hey, I've known him for almost 20 years. Yesterday, I'd IM'd him about my computer going on the fritz and sent a picture of my screen. It turned out as he suggested, it was only the video card. And just my luck, he happened to have a spare one and came over today to install it! He lives about half an hour from me, but was going to Fry's computer store which is nearby. He also beefed up the security system for my wireless modem and computer in general. And, hooked up a digital cable that I wasn't aware worked on my computer. I've known Felix since my NewTek days and we've stayed friends ever since. We were both in tech support, which has got to be one of the worst jobs ever. Eventually, we got out of it and moved to other parts of the company. I was moved into marketing which included traveling to set up and work at shows like NAB, E3, CES and the like. You geeks will know what those mean. Felix is someone with a thousand stories and funny as hell. He's also a computer genius. And this is where I get to say that I have some great friends. I'm incredibly lucky in that regard, because being someone who hasn't always been easy to be friends with when I had undiagnosed depression, that is saying a lot. When I look back, the one thing I can say that I hit the jackpot with is the people that I've met in my life. And while right now I'm pinching pennies, in the people arena I'm very wealthy.

Oliver the SentinelFelix is also one of Oliver's benefactors. It was great that they got to meet. And for you other benefactors and those of you who ask about Oliver, this is one of my most recent pictures of him. Each month, he'll relax a little more. He's plenty happy and friendly, but all of a sudden he's been purring much more. Just warms my heart. I'm so proud of him.

Okay, for this next all better be sitting down. No, it's no big deal but just may surprise you. I've applied at one of the major bookstores here. I've been contemplating it for months and finally went in and did it. I currently work from home and am going stir crazy. I need to branch out and have a bit more social activity during the day or whenever in a work sense. Second, I think 32 hours a week will get me health insurance. Last but not least, I need the money and the economy here isn't the best. It's a low stress solution and to be honest I've missed it. I really enjoyed it when I worked in the Calabassas store. I made sure that I met the manager and told him outright that I had three years experience. He said there just might be something opening up at the end of March, and that they prefer someone with experience. So, we'll see. I was surprised to hear even that since the economy is so bad. Of course, when I got home I got two calls from creative agencies that have been silent for weeks. Murphy's Law. However, I'm getting tired of the fits and starts of freelancing. If I can have two steady gigs, one that offers insurance while I look for full-time work, that will be ideal.

Speaking of work, I better get to it.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Me @ Coach and Horses in Hollywood

That's me at Coach and Horses in Hollywood, taken by Shannon last week. The place had been wall to wall people and was in its last half hour of being open. After that, we went to Toi on Sunset, which is a Thai Restaurant that stays open until 4 AM. I think Quentin Tarantino opened it in the early to mid-90s, and it's still rockin'. It's also walking distance from C&H and both of us were feeling that after-bar hunger, even though I went pretty easy that night.

Coach and Horses really has been around forever, at least for LA standards. It was there that I found the back of my head between the cushiony breasts of a Playboy Playmate. Oh, that will get me some interesting Google referrals. But, it was true. I was sitting at the bar and felt the two pillows, like a soft hug. Then a lock of curly bleach-blond hair fell on my shoulder as the woman stretched over me to get her drink. I turned around, my eyes meeting cleavage I don't even dare to dream about having. "Sorry!" She said and smiled. "No worries," I said, "but there were some guys in the room that would probably have enjoyed that a lot more than I did." I can't help myself sometimes. But, she got the joke and laughed. After all, she'd probably heard it all. She stuck out in the place like well...a Playmate in a neighborhood bar. Tall, blond, gloriously plastic and buxom. The guys in the place recognized her and I heard the murmurs of "Playmate" all over the place. Apparently, she was currently on the cover of the magazine at the time. She was very friendly with everyone. And I'm sorry guys, I don't remember her name. So don't ask. And I'm sorry that experience was wasted on me.

I found a great web site that I link to now. For you cat lovers or just novelty lovers, Cooper the cat is attached with a collar camera that takes pictures every few minutes. He's become quite famous and it's fascinating to get a cat's eye view of the world. His owner has a special camera crafted for him that is very lightweight and doesn't bother the cat at all. He's even had his first art show! Aside from the absolute adorableness factor, the site is darn cool.

I noticed that I have "followers" for my blog now. Gee, no pressure now! I like it though, as I get to see who you are too, your blogs, and the blogs you link to. I also like that your blogs are clickable from here, so people can explore from mine. It sounds funny though, followers, as if I'm some cult leader.

Last night, some douchebag threw a full-sized intact refrigerator into our trash dumpster. Aside from being wholly illegal, inconsiderate, environmentally unfriendly and just plain stupid...I want to know how the hell they got it in there. I couldn't believe it when I opened the top, which for me is shoulder height. So did they get it in there? And why? This morning though, it was gone. I told the landlord the night before so I don't know if he dealt with it or what. But what did they think, that the garbage men would just dump it in the truck? I sure hope they saw it before they hooked it up to that forklift flip thing that dumps all the trash into it. Or, that my landlord was able to get it out. I did hear some activity in the morning before the garbage men came, so hopefully that was it. Whether there was a corpse inside... I haven't heard.