Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A windy Tuesday as I sit here at Starbucks. I stayed up late last night writing a cover letter and submitting myself for another job. It sounds really interesting, so let's hope I get a bite. Every place that I apply to has the same process. I have to submit a resume through their online application, which is tedious and sometimes imperfect. Many of them don't have clear instructions on how to attach a cover letter, and most, even though you've uploaded your resume, require you to tediously fill out your job history anyway. When you're a copywriter like I am which consists of several freelance gigs in between full-time gigs, that can really suck because I have to go back and make sure the correct jobs are showing up in the auto fill, which they never are. However, it's all means to hopefully landing a great job, and this part will just be looked back upon as well, the thing that got me there.

On other fronts, I've been thinking a lot about blogging, and what my blog is now versus what it was a few years ago. Of course, I and my situation have changed, but that's not what I'm talking about. In this day and age, where everyone Googles everyone, I feel that the anonymity of being able to express myself freely is somewhat gone. One, because this blog is well known and if one Googles me, it comes up right on top. God knows why people want to read about me, but you guys keep coming back. However, that has no bearing on what I'm talking about. In fact, I feel like I've been cheating you lately.

Now, the chances are greater that an employer or anyone really, will Google me, take a look at my blog and decide that the most recent entry is what represents me as a whole. Because of this, I don't feel the freedom anymore to express unchecked anger, sadness, a depression spell, a crazy night, general observations or perhaps what I'm going through on any given day that might be misconstrued by an employer.

Then, there are the people that you meet who instantly Google you when they get home. And yeah, I can tell. Especially when the creepy neighbor in Baltimore did it after coming on way too strong to me during a chance meeting in the neighborhood. Got home, there it was. Didn't help that his house looked into my bedroom.

Google is a wonderful tool which I use for job searching myself. Being an awesome researcher, if I do say so myself, I can usually find a name at a company to which I've applied, or can research a company to get to know its culture. And yes, I do use it to find a little information about the recruiter if I've tracked down their name. If they have a blog or Facebook page, it humanizes them and lets me know a little about whom I'm dealing with. But, one thing that I don't do is sum them up by their blogs or Flickr pages. And, at risk of sounding like an old fart, in this day and age of online social networking, that's exactly what people do.

I know when I started blogging that I was putting myself "out there" at the mercy of others. I first started with Letters to Rob to deal with a cousin's suicide. Though I can't tell you how many people that blog helped, and from what the people who emailed me say, saved some lives of those who were contemplating suicide. But, I took it down because it was a very honest and raw depiction of what I was going through in dealing with it and some of my own demons I was warring with. And, to a recruiter or person you just meet, you can no longer trust them to take it as what it is, an expression of what you were going through at the time, not the whole package.

To a writer like me, I need to express. I express well and honestly. And, I've been feeling like I can't do that, which leaves me stifled. These days, I don't blog about work unless it's general or just a funny story that doesn't put the company or anyone in a negative light. And, some of my bookstore posts are my best, especially when I was pissed off. However, now I'm very sensitive about mentioning anyone because it can be read, misconstrued and passed around in seconds. I'm even finding myself being careful with how I word this post, and to me that's not blogging.

There are some things I'd like to put out there and do it in the only way I know how. Honest, raw, sometimes crass and vulgar, and unbridled. I've played around with the idea of starting another blog, yet not attaching my name to it. This way, it won't be something that will be identified with a random Google search of my name, and if I'm having an off day and get a little real, won't cost me a job.