Thursday, November 09, 2006

I'm officially suffering from some type of repetitive motion syndrome. It started in my left shoulder and has increased in pain that has spread to my left forearm and bicep. The bicep and forearm aren't constant, but are a pulsing burning pain. The shoulder pain, however, is. It's gotten so bad that I can't lift things a certain way with my left arm without feeling pain.

I know what I've been doing wrong. One, spending too much time at the computer. Mostly during my late night wake-a-thons waiting for the sleep fairies to visit. But, I'm also looking for a job, and well, that takes being on the computer. Oh boy, does it. I've noticed when I sit at my desk that I lean on my left arm. If I'm not at my desk and working on my laptop, I tense my left shoulder. I've tried to stop doing that, but it's so automatic sometimes I don't notice I've been doing it. I know that I need physical therapy but can't afford it right now. And, with no job, that equals no insurance.

Either way, when I'm in pain it works on my psyche. It's been mentally getting me down and I've had to resort to talking to myself to keep spirits up. "Okay, let's get this finished," "Okay, time to join the living." That sort of thing, not full blown conversations.

Yet.

I'm on the laptop typing this at Starbucks and even with paying attention, twice I've had to untense my left shoulder. I'm a loss of how to stop doing that, short of tying my arm behind my back.

I've been having to be semi-rude to a man that keeps talking to me. Today was especially the wrong time to approach me because I'm close to the old monthly visitor. And, he did it from over my shoulder. I hate it when people sneak up on me in public places like that. If I know you, it's annoying enough. If you are just an acquaintance, it makes my blood boil. Once again, I was working, and clearly so. Internet up, applying for jobs. This person is an older man who is a bit overbearing. No, not a bit overbearing, very overbearing, a constant flirt who wants to monopolize my attention. Not only that, he announces to strangers that we're getting married. One or two times with the same jokes was entertaining, thirty times later it's not funny and just disruptive. Once, he asked me if I was working. I said yes, and he pulled up a chair and sat down. He was the customer I spoke of that took twenty minutes of my time and three hours worth of my energy. I feel bad for being short with him, but unfortunately it's come to that.

There will be a time in my life when no one approaches me. I do know that. I see women who are ignored all the time and wonder how that must feel, to be past their expiration date in the eyes of a youth obsessed society. I don't fault men for their need to connect with a female human being. However, one should understand and respect boundaries unless they've been invited past them.

Tonight, around 11:30pm I was in the shower and heard a knock at my door. Conditioner still in hair, I turned off the stream and asked who it was. My neighbor who lives below me answered, saying she had locked herself out of her apartment. I dried off, got dressed and invited her in. She was so embarrassed and sweet about it, but not as much as I was because my apartment was getting that clutter look. I apologized for it, then called the landlord who lives a few blocks away. Conditioner still in hair, I drove her there to get a spare key. The landlord was waiting for us, and walked to the car in his shirt and jammie pants. I told him he looked adorable in them. She kept thanking me, but I was happy to be able to help someone. When I got home, I jumped back in the shower and rinsed out my hair. It needed the extra conditioning anyway.

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