Saturday, June 03, 2006

It's 3:38AM and I'm sipping an Amaretto on the rocks, listening to Coast to Coast. I'm getting nicely relaxed, sinking into my chair as I prepare for round two in my attempts to quell my night wanderings. I didn't swim today, so maybe I'm not physically tired enough to warrant sleep. It's coming though, I can feel it.

I went to Starbucks today and had to avoid eye contact with a man who has tried to chat me up there a few times. No big deal, he's a nice man. Russian, or Eastern European. A very nice man that I've entertained conversation with a couple times. Perhaps he's looking for companionship or a nice chat over coffee while he does his work. I'm looking for the one time during the day that I can concentrate on my work. At home, it's harder. I'm fighting many distractions there. I make progress at the coffee shop. Lately, a lot of progress. I feel bad staring at my laptop when someone is very obviously trying to make eye contact with me. I'm deliberately ignoring them and that feels mean. But, I do what I feel is necessary at the time. Maybe another time conversation will be what I'm looking for. But, not in the last few days.

One of the coffee shop workers came to sit with me at my table and let it slip that there was a store that opened near where I live. Well, not really near, but closer than the one I've been going to. He looked at me and said in all seriousness, "You aren't going to leave us, are you?" I was touched by this. His mother comes in to pick him up, because he's just out of high school and doesn't have a car, and the three of us chat. I feel like I've been let into their family and accepted as a friend. I'm honored to be let in, and it warms me. So no, I'm not going to leave them. The workers there call me one of their favorite customers. Having worked retail, I know that's an incredibly privileged title to earn.

Ah, the Amaretto is starting to do its work. I'm happily relaxed, and am going to give sleep another go. Perhaps it too, will let me in.

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