Saturday, January 22, 2005

The snow has started, and is beautiful.

I already ran out in it to flag down the mail lady who was bundled up and delivering the Saturday mail. God bless her. I had a couple things to mail and don't know how the storm will affect me getting out or the mail getting to us. I think it will be fine, but I'm still a little shell shocked after the three feet of snow that we got when I first moved here from Los Angeles. That shut our neighborhood down for five days, since the city wasn't prepared for the sheer amount that we got and though we are in the city, we weren't on a major snow clearing route. Stir crazy doesn't even describe it. At the time, I was working at Barnes and Noble, which was closed for two days. I had to stay home from work for five days because the streets were not plowed. However, when all that was going on, I thought it was a good thing in the larger picture.

The little girl, Lily, who lives across the street and is an absolute a doll, is being pulled around on a sled by her dad. Jack, their dog is running alongside, excited and playfully barking at the spectacle, kicking up snow with his paws and snout. Dad is an editor at the Washington Post I believe, and I've had a lot of conversations with her mother, Molly whom I really like. One of the writers for The Wire that I worked with also knew Molly. Small world. If there is a perfect family, these two fit the picture. They have another daughter named Nell, and they just seem really happy. I think Lily is around four years old, and always has a smile and a wave for me. Sweet little girl.

I'm typing this post with Atticus draped across my lap. He's such a lap cat, especially when I'm at my computer. He usually rests his head and front two paws on my left arm, which he is doing right now. I somehow still manage to type. Right now he's purring happily, I'm sipping coffee and the snow is coming down in a heavy sift outside. Scout, my other cat is asleep on the pillow on the floor. I think we're all pretty happy and content right now.

We're supposed to get a foot of snow, and by the way it's coming down, I don't doubt it. Before it gets too deep, I'm going to walk to the Korean deli and get some basics. No, I'm not a snow alarmist, but my cupboards are pretty bare even if it was the best of weather outside.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

It must be the winter.

All those people, cooped up in their homes staring at that monitor, or outside at the winter bleakness. Perhaps they just came in from the cold and need a little warm up. They glance over their shoulders at their computers, or maybe have already jumped on to check email.

They look at the top of their browsers, and that little Google search bar teases them and taunts them, anything they want at their fingertips. Like a genie in a bottle, it's theirs for the asking.

Finally they succumb.

They're the only one home, right? Or, "Fuck it," they think, "I live alone, and who is the dog going to tell?"

They look at the dog.

The dog is looking back at them.

They get up from their desks, lead the dog into another room, and shut the door. They sit back at their computers, looking at that little genie called Google.

The little bar speaks to them, "Do it. You know you want it. I can take you anywhere, show you anything. You dream it, I can get it. Do it."

They sit silent, and move their hands toward the keyboard as a gunslinger in a duel might edge toward his gun.

"Do it," the Google bar says.

They do it. But instead of getting "naked fat straight men jerking off," they get my site. And why? Because somewhere in my site, those words probably occur. Not necessarily in that order, but somewhere in my over 200 posts, it's a good bet they are in there. I flash on the screen like the unwelcome school marm. Instant buzz kill.

They slam their hand on the mouse and hit that back button as soon as possible.

"Maybe she didn't see me," they think, a sheen of perspiration on their complexion. She'll never know I was there. They are safely back on the Google search results page, knowing that one click will take them to those big, fat, straight, naked men, their fleshy rolls quivering like a gelatin mold as they pleasure themselves into orgasmic oblivion.

Or will it?

Maybe in the next one, they will get Dooce.

That Google genie is a nasty little prankster, isn't he?

And yes, that was an actual search. I think the winter has brought out the more perverted sides of people because oh. My. God, some of the searches are quite bizarre. And there have been a ton of them in the last few weeks. Let's just say, there are lots of people looking for some weird pR0n out there. Whatever man, but what really freaks me out is when the person looking for "angry nipples kicking nuts" sticks around my site and reads for a few pages.

I can't help thinking that would be a good title for the porn version of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Google on, people.

Monday, January 03, 2005

This is probably old news to some, but for those of you who haven't heard, ABC News considers us bloggers People of the Year.

Damn straight.

To me, this is what the internet is all about. A net closing the distances between all of us, letting us relate or not relate to each other, but in all cases, to hear and be heard. I started my blog as an outlet when my cousin killed himself. A way to deal and keep in contact, if by some way. I thought the electronic pulses just might be able to make it to the other side where I could not go. Through that blog, I was not only able to "communicate" with Rob, but also reach others that I'd never even imagined. My blog, Anne...straight from the hip, was put on Blogger's home page as a "Blog of Note," a year to the exact day that Rob took his life. Perhaps, in some way, my letters had reached him and his response was to share the pain that his decision had caused others. A way he knew he could communicate to sway people from doing the same thing. I don't know, but the coincidence was very uncanny.

I started Anne...straight from the hip as the more day to day recollection of life, and to have something that was mine to do with as I pleased during my own struggle with depression. Sometimes, hitting that publish button was just the empowerment that I needed to feel when everything else was spinning out of control.

As this blog continues, it shows that there is a road, though it be rocky in parts, to where depression is not the only focus in one's life. Sure, I know it's there, but I've learned to manage it. And yes, there may be setbacks, but so what. So fucking what? I still laugh and have times of contentment. I still have drive, which I can sometimes ride like a wave, and other times have to swim against the current. Though my progress may be less than my frustration on the against current days, the drive doesn't waver.

The important thing is that the struggle was recorded. Now, not only me, but others can see that if you just keep at it, things can improve and if those dreaded setbacks come, they aren't permanent. I don't know why I decided to record it. I didn't start it out as a blog to chronicle my struggle with depression, but because that was a focal part of my life at the time, that's what showed itself. And that's as real as it gets.

I've gotten tremendous responses from people who were moved to write after reading a part of my journey that resonated with them. How nice to know that so many wonderful, thinking, generous, and funny as hell human beings are out there in this world just doing the best they can like I am.

Now, I'm somewhere between here and there at another crossroads. And, I'm standing with my thumbs hooked in the back pockets of my jeans as dust swirls around my feet. Fields of grass expand on all sides, offering no clues to which road to take. Again, I'll have to rely on instinct and be prepared for obstacles. And standing there, do I look like a person of the year? No. Nor do I when I sit down to type on a keyboard with faded letters among half full water bottles and desk clutter.

But in the act of making our unique human experience accessible, no matter what the topic is, all of us who blog are exactly that.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

A Happy New Year to you all.

For those of you who are wondering what it was like to be hit by a tsunami, visit Jordan's site for one of the best archives of the unedited amateur videos taken by those who were there when it struck.

Many I hadn't seen, and all I can say is,

Holy Shit.