Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Just a gorgeous day today. I went to Starbucks to sit outside. And that's all I did. Sit, stare, listen, and breathe. And of course, only moving to sip my venti iced mocha.

I listened to a woman who sounded exactly like my cousin Amy talk to a friend on her cell phone about student loans. I had to look at her a few times to make sure it wasn't Amy, because she sounded exactly like her. Amy is a lawyer, this one was a medical student. From what it sounded like, her friend had just graduated from Harvard and was going into graduate school. She was also planning her wedding. Oh, to have your life's ducks so neatly in a row. I know it took this girl a ton of hard work and she was very smart. Not just book smart, but sounded street smart as well. However, humbly so. Again, a lot like Amy.

The other source of noise were radio calls from a firehouse battalion chief who is a regular there. He was sitting at a table next to me, doing paperwork and the calls would come in over his radio. My day was calm, quiet, and I sat in solitude, comfortable in the fresh spring air. However, somewhere, a pedestrian had been hit by a car, a 23-year-old girl attempted suicide, a 53-year-old woman was choking, and a 61-year-old man was having trouble breathing. All in the time of the half an hour that I sat and regretted having to disturb my stillness by lifting my arm to get a sip of my coffee.

I sent my first draft into my freelance job and the response was that it was great. Actually, GREAT. They capitalized it. I'm writing some sci-fi stuff for a video game for a major huge company in the form of a blog for one of the characters. I had a great time doing the initial stories, and sci-fi is right up my alley. To those of you who have read this blog for a long time, that may be a surprise. But, I'm a geek at heart. I'm just disguised really well and do believe in hygiene and love clothes. ;). I won't be camping out to see Star Wars, but I can throw the shit down when it comes to sci-fi plots, scenarios, worlds, and whatever. There, now you know. My favorite is when geeks are shocked that I'm a geek and can talk the talk. Yep, even geeks judge books by their covers, regardless of what they say.

Which had me thinking, that I constantly deny exploiting what I'm good at to the fullest. Oh trust me, I've had some incredible successes, but how much further could I take them? I don't know if it's because I'm female, and a part of me thinks I should be good at writing books like The Poisonwood Bible, or The Book of Ruth. Those books are incredible, and sure, I can write true to life hard hitting and emotional stuff. I get email all the time from people telling me to write a book based on what they read in this blog. The thing is, right now this blog is the outlet for that. Maybe there will be a time in life to write such a thing, but that need is only fleeting right now. It seems different writing for a book, not as real, and even egotistical in a way. Sure, blogging is as egotistical as it gets, but I do this for me. I'm shocked that people come back to read it so much. Perhaps it's all the stages that I've gone and am currently going through. The struggles, anger, thankfulness, meanness, frustration, satisfaction, uncertainty, hilarity, futility, kindness, intolerance, and everything else that the human being can go through in a single day, not to mention a few years of life. Perhaps it's comforting to see that people go through those things. I don't know.

I didn't intend to blog today. I just sat down and did it. I've been "outputting" so much with not one, but two freelance jobs that both require intense concentration. And that's why I just sat today and stared off into space, listening to other lives, perhaps aural blogging if you will.

Now, for some more downtime.

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