Monday, January 03, 2005

This is probably old news to some, but for those of you who haven't heard, ABC News considers us bloggers People of the Year.

Damn straight.

To me, this is what the internet is all about. A net closing the distances between all of us, letting us relate or not relate to each other, but in all cases, to hear and be heard. I started my blog as an outlet when my cousin killed himself. A way to deal and keep in contact, if by some way. I thought the electronic pulses just might be able to make it to the other side where I could not go. Through that blog, I was not only able to "communicate" with Rob, but also reach others that I'd never even imagined. My blog, Anne...straight from the hip, was put on Blogger's home page as a "Blog of Note," a year to the exact day that Rob took his life. Perhaps, in some way, my letters had reached him and his response was to share the pain that his decision had caused others. A way he knew he could communicate to sway people from doing the same thing. I don't know, but the coincidence was very uncanny.

I started Anne...straight from the hip as the more day to day recollection of life, and to have something that was mine to do with as I pleased during my own struggle with depression. Sometimes, hitting that publish button was just the empowerment that I needed to feel when everything else was spinning out of control.

As this blog continues, it shows that there is a road, though it be rocky in parts, to where depression is not the only focus in one's life. Sure, I know it's there, but I've learned to manage it. And yes, there may be setbacks, but so what. So fucking what? I still laugh and have times of contentment. I still have drive, which I can sometimes ride like a wave, and other times have to swim against the current. Though my progress may be less than my frustration on the against current days, the drive doesn't waver.

The important thing is that the struggle was recorded. Now, not only me, but others can see that if you just keep at it, things can improve and if those dreaded setbacks come, they aren't permanent. I don't know why I decided to record it. I didn't start it out as a blog to chronicle my struggle with depression, but because that was a focal part of my life at the time, that's what showed itself. And that's as real as it gets.

I've gotten tremendous responses from people who were moved to write after reading a part of my journey that resonated with them. How nice to know that so many wonderful, thinking, generous, and funny as hell human beings are out there in this world just doing the best they can like I am.

Now, I'm somewhere between here and there at another crossroads. And, I'm standing with my thumbs hooked in the back pockets of my jeans as dust swirls around my feet. Fields of grass expand on all sides, offering no clues to which road to take. Again, I'll have to rely on instinct and be prepared for obstacles. And standing there, do I look like a person of the year? No. Nor do I when I sit down to type on a keyboard with faded letters among half full water bottles and desk clutter.

But in the act of making our unique human experience accessible, no matter what the topic is, all of us who blog are exactly that.

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