Thursday, March 04, 2004

I'm sitting in the Starbucks on the Warner Bros. lot taking advantage of their computer lab with free internet access. I just finished visiting my friend Cathy on the West Wing and am killing time before I go to see Shannon. Speaking of shooting from the hip, that's exactly what they were doing today. They are doing another kind of filmmaking unprecedented for their show, and it was interesting to watch them work, and yes, struggle a bit.

My trip so far has been fantastic, thanks to the generosity of my friends, mom, and sister. It's brought me to this moment, enjoying an iced mocha in the middle of entertainment central and listening to the 80's new wave they're piping through the speakers. All around me, dreams of stardom are being realized and creative worlds and visions are being actualized. I still find it fascinating how much effort us humans will put forth in order to tell a story. To create a world that doesn't exist in order to better understand the one that we live in. The vastness of the lot and the stages, the intricacy of the sets, and all the people that it takes to pull one creative vision together. Art directors, actors, script supervisors, directors, writers, make-up artists, wardrobe specialists, production assistants and so many more. In short, dreamers. So as I sit here, I am comfortable and at peace. Most important, is that I don't feel like a foreigner anymore.

On another note, most times with visits back to your home town that have you picking up with old friends, there are usually loose ends. Suddenly, you are in the position of having to tie them back up. Some of these loose ends, time takes care of and you can enjoy the comforts of friendship without the discomforts of unspoken words. With others, you must be the one to speak those words and hope that you can reach an understanding that will leave you friends. I had to do such a thing, and the only thing to do now is wait for the dust to settle and hope for the best. Friendships can be a very complicated, delicate thing, especially when they are between men and women and span several years.

Funny, as I type this, REM's "End of the World" is playing. But it isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of something new. Something different.

This trip has also served as a reminder of how many smart, interesting, funny, quirky, and talented people that I know, and how being around them brings out the best in me. I know that I'm on a week vacation and that I'm looking at the world through rose colored glasses, but I don't remember smiling this much in the recent months. Make that year. Smiling at people, at myself, at something I see and not having it be forced. I thought that perhaps I'd lost that ability, but it was just dormant and waiting for an opportunity to surface. How good it feels to have the corners of my mouth turn upwards on an almost unconscious level.

I guess that's what happens after you make that scary jump off the high dive. Eventually you surface and can enjoy the water.

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