Saturday, October 25, 2003

I got my Blogger hoodie today.

Blogger, now dripping with cash due to the Google acquisition, showed appreciation to those of us who subscribed to Blogger Pro when it was a start-up. Now that the company is flush, Pro features are free, and Blogger wanted to thank us customers who kept them running with a gift of a hoodie with the Blogger logo on it. How cool is that? It's also nice to think that I was a part of supporting a revolution of sorts that is a growing important trend, and is changing the way that people get their news. The word "blog" is coming up more and more in news items and I've been interviewed or mentioned in a couple of articles on the subject already. Celebrities are catching on to us pioneers, and many of them have their own blogs now.

I had been blogging for a few months before as a way to deal with Rob's suicide, but fully recognized its impact when September 11th happened, scouring the Internet for news that wasn't filtered by the big conglomerates. I was living in Los Angeles, far away from the chaos, but felt the effects no less. Still in disbelief, and unable to tear myself away from trying to understand what happened, I discovered the true power of blogging. Personal blogs took me underneath the mainstream news and into the hearts and eyes of the regular person. Different perspectives, different views from their cameras, and stories unheard but no less heartwrenching. Blogs took me from Los Angeles into the streets of New York and Washington, DC, where people who were the little man, just like me, documented their experiences. It was blogs and the blogging network that truly helped me cope with September 11th.

So Blogger, congrats to you, and thanks for the cool hoodie. Yay Blogger!

On other fronts, it was trick or treat day at the mall where I work, and kids in costume came in throngs to get their candy. It was absolutely adorable, and Spiderman was our first trick or treater. There were some really great costumes, including a gregarious five or six year old kid who was dressed as Morpheus from "The Matrix." "Look," I said, "Mini-Morpheus!" That one got a laugh from employees and parents alike. A girl who looked to be about ten years old came in dressed as Jack Sparrow, from Pirates of the Caribbean, and boy was it a great costume. She not only looked like Johnny Depp, but had the whole outfit down, including shells in her hair and a painted on goatee. It was really great. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, simply because you see such creativity surface and the kids rule the day. And, a ten year old girl gets to be a swashbuckling pirate.

There has been a certain feeling of peace within me lately. I can't describe where it's coming from, but I feel like there will be some changes in the near future. Working on my Halloween costume has opened something within me that has relaxed me and once again sat me down in front of my talents where I can observe them closely. I had no intention to work this hard on it. However, it's become a work of art that I'm carefully crafting. I feel like after this Halloween passes, I'm going to be able to let go of a lot of things and have a clearer idea of steps I need to take. I think I'm almost done with this Barnes and Noble, not to mention Baltimore. I will probably be here another year, maybe a little longer, but not much more.

I'm ready to surface again, and those steps I'm going to take will lead me there. I'm planning on spending a year to resurface, to swim under the water and look up at the distorted view of the sky above. I used to do that when I was younger, I'd lay on the bottom of the deep end of the pool and look up at the sky, a kaleidoscope of blue, white, and grey sloshing above me. The world was silent and I was cradled by the gently rocking water. When I was about six years old I was swimming in a hotel pool and got saved by a lifeguard who thought I was drowning. I was face up, relaxing on the pool floor, when a large hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me with superhuman strength off the bottom. Certainly no older than highschool age, he pulled me to the surface and screamed into my face, "are you okay, little girl!?" My legs were wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck, and when the shock wore off from being jolted out of my peaceful underwater refuge, I said, "yes, I was just playing underwater."

I can see how that must have looked to him. He had no idea that I was a really good swimmer with an incredible capacity to hold my breath. I know that's how it must look to those on the outside as well. Wondering why I'm not living up to my potential and why I'm working in the place that I am that can frustrate me so much at times. Many have tried to jerk me back upward for fear that I am drowning.

But really, I'm just enjoying the quiet view from below, interrupted by the occasional intrusion of someone's cannonball dive, and waiting for the right moment to surface.

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