Saturday, April 13, 2002

I'm tired today.

I worked at the store from noon to 5PM, and had a mini-review on my job performance. They are in the process of giving them to everyone and were up to my name. Thankfully, I got rave reviews from all the managers and the one that I was meeting with today. I was really happy to hear that. One, because I really like my job and take pride in it. And two, because other people were taking notice of it and appreciating the fact that I was there. The manager told me that I was doing a great job, and that they wished everyone had all the traits that I brought to the job. It's nice to know that if human cloning ever comes to pass, that someone considers me a worthy candidate for duplication.

Yes, it's a $7.00 an hour job. And yes, it's a part-time job, even though I work around 30+ hours a week. But, it's a job, and it's my job. It's also a bridge to help me back to being 100%. I know that in jobs like these, employee dedication to it can be sketchy. Mainly, because unless you are a manager, many of the employees who work there are students or much younger. Luckily, there are many folks like me, but there are also some 18-20 years olds. Also, I'm coming off a very bad year. I'm thankful to be there and to be able to contribute. That brings a whole new perspective. Kind of like the girl in "Our Town" when she realizes how beautiful the world is around her now that she is no longer a part of it. Well, I'm a part of it again and I too am seeing its beauty in an all new way. I'm waking up from a year where I rarely made it out of bed, and I'm happy that I stuck to it and made it through. I never lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel even in my deepest moments of despair and doubt. So even though I know I'm rearing up for a trip back into the work world, I treat this job as if it were my career.

Another part of my job that I take seriously, is how I help the customers. I'm not a kiss ass, and I treat everyone in there as an individual. Books are very personal things. Many people are looking for books to help them cope with grief, or broken relationships. A few have come in and wanted books on divorce, and one recent woman came in looking for a book about religion and its positive effects on healing illness. Another came in looking for a book that helped explain death to young children, since a five year old and seven year old (her grandchildren, I believe) had witnessed the death of a close family friend who was 18 years old. These are very personal things, and since I understand what it feels like to be down, I try to offer a reprieve from their pain in my kindness and understanding. And also, to let them know that people, even strangers will reach out to them in their time of need.

However, if someone is a jerk or abrasive, which I've luckily had a minimum of, I very politely, don't take their shit. And, they always back down. That also comes from overcoming hardship. Nothing phases me, unless of course someone came into the store with a bomb strapped across their chest. That, I'd have to concede and say, "Okay buddy, you got me." I'm literally fearless otherwise, not to mention a stone wall of confidence. I feel like saying, "Is that all you've got? Bring it the fuck on." Of course, all with a smile.

It was hot, hot today. It's days like these where I always want to leave California. Humidity, though many people hate it is a necessary element that California just doesn't have. It's hot, dry and both the air and ground gets brown in the summer, and I hate it. I've never been a summer gal, though. Except for thunderstorms, which of course rarely occur in Los Angeles. Give me a wind ripping, rain pelting, lightning flashing, and thunder cracking storm any day over this dry heat crap. And I'll stand in the middle of it and yell, ""Is that all you've got? Bring it the fuck on."

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