The Michael Jackson hoopla has come and gone. Tuesday morning, I counted twelve helicopters buzzing around my apartment before I went to work. And, they shut down freeways for it. All during the day, the helicopters would return for news updates. In the early morning as I still laid in bed, I heard a bunch of French speaking people pass by my bedroom window. I have no idea if the two were related, but there were people from all over the world who had come to "be there" and a lot of them were French. And, we have several hotels around due to the studios being so near. Luckily, it didn't affect our area the way that it could have. I think people took the hint to stay away. Same with the downtown memorial.

I finally, finally got my refund checks. On top of that, I got a freelance check along with them so I had a total of five nice checks to deposit into my account. God, did that feel awesome. I couldn't believe it when I saw them there. Of course, they come when my finances are vastly improved and back to normal, but I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm glad they came now.

Yesterday, I was on standby to possibly go to the 90210 set where they were using some of our products for a scene, but I never got the call. Apparently, they knew or figured out how to set it up. I wouldn't have known how yet, but I had some people on standby who did. I would have just been the person to put both together and be there to accommodate extra requests and make sure everything went smoothly. So far, the job continues to be great and challenging in all the right ways. I also got a really nice compliment from my freelance job at the network regarding the work I did for them. I'll miss them, as I enjoyed that work and they too were awesome to work with.

So, that's it. I'm settling into this new routine and every day get my bearings a little better. Now, to start exercising again. I went for a swim in the pool yesterday and my body relished at the movement and use of it. It's been too long, but I'm almost at the point of not being able to stand it any longer. Luckily, I respond really well to exercise and see results quickly. It's the motivation I need to work on, but luckily the company supports healthy living and will pay part of a gym membership. I already belong to one, but am considering going with a trainer for a couple days a week and that helps with the entire cost. I don't look at that as a luxury, but a necessity and as prevention. Plus, better, quicker results. My swim had me feeling wonderfully tired at a decent time of night, which was a first in a very long time.

Happy Fourth of July to my fellow Americans.

This past couple of weeks has really kicked me in the behind. One, because I'm on a learning curve with the new job, and second, because I'm finishing out the work I've been assigned for the television recaps. I'm shocked that so many of you have stayed with me and keep checking back. I'm always surprised by the amount of hits I have on this blog by the end of the day even when my updates have slowed down. Again, I'm going to try to fix that.

On Wednesday I learned that my new company gives us TWO paid days off for the Fourth of July. Awesome for me, who needed the extra time off to make this transition easier. And, to clean my wreck of a cluttered apartment and partly, my wreck of a self. I got my "hair did" on Thursday by the awesome person who always makes me look fabulous. I told him he had his work cut out for him. He's so cool and gives me a rock and roll beachy style that is perfect for my massive amount of hair. Now, I just need to sprout an extra arm so I can style it the way that he does. It's always fun to go to that salon.

The job so far is fabulous. In the first week, I was having a meeting poolside on top of a swank hotel and then on another day, on a photo shoot as the "marketing connect" for a product in a downtown live/work loft for one of our products. Fun to see these creative, smart people collaborate well and produce such high quality results. We had a model as well, and he was great. Also interesting, was we were on video meeting with another art director in Quebec, who also had a direct connection to us. They would hold up the laptop, with a live shot of him on screen, and bring him around like a disembodied head to look at the shot set ups. There were a few instances of crackups because of that. I took a few pictures of everything going on. While still on my learning curve, I wrote the copy for the packaging. I've really enjoyed the challenge and my ability to step things up while still retaining my "space." I'm excited about the challenges that are ahead, and even more so when I get more settled in and "one" with the multitude of products and the workings with the company. So, all is good on the work front, and while of course I have my moments of self doubt and nerves, I understand that they will pass. When that happens, I sort of just relax my body and let them blow over me like a sudden strong wind. If I don't try to fight it, and just let it push my body where it wants until it's over, I haven't expended valuable energy nor given into their desire to disrupt me.

Oh, and within fifteen minutes of being on my new job, I was complimented on my shoes.

A few blocks from me, the King of Pop lies in state awaiting burial at the same place. During that meeting by the rooftop pool, my boss received a news blip on his iPhone that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. Thirty minutes later, on my way home from the meeting, news broke on the radio that he had died. I texted my boss the news in case he hadn't heard. I have mixed feelings about his death because of the allegations that we all know too well. I have no idea whether he was guilty or not, but the mixed feelings come from the fact that I like so many people enjoyed his music and magic, if you will. He was a talented, fantastic entertainer who had an almost supernatural control over his body in his dance moves. I don't know one person who didn't enjoy his music during their lifetime or can't link one of his songs to a poignant moment in their lives. I myself can remember the elation I felt when I finally mastered the moonwalk when growing up. However, the sad part is that Michael Jackson was never comfortable in his own skin, literally. Because his parents were more focused on building his music career rather than a solid emotional foundation, as an adult he didn't have the tools to deal with well, just about everything. It's no excuse if he hurt children. I have no tolerance for those who hurt children. However, seedy opportunistic parents with their eyes on the big payoff were all too eager to feed their children to Michael Jackson. And, they are just as guilty if not more if the worst indeed happened. Jackson was a vulnerable person who was reckless in making himself the perfect target for those who wanted to exploit him. Like I said, if he indeed hurt children, that changes everything I just said. But, it doesn't make things any less tragic for everyone involved.

Last night on my way home I passed the funeral home. Already, several news vans, trucks, cars, huge mobile units were parked outside, claiming their spots like greedy kids on the rushing out to recess calling first through third swing. Most of them weren't occupied, but there as place holders to their turf once the focus turns there. I think it will all happen on Tuesday, and that will be weird.

Anyway, enough about that. It's just been so "in your face" here. And on Tuesday, it's going to be in my face.

So, back to enjoying my weekend. I have no big plans tonight except to enjoy the multitude of fireworks displays around. I didn't go out of my way to plan anything, unlike other Fourth's where I make plans with friends. Sometimes, there are times to be mellow and this feels like one of them for me. Shannon and I went to Nolan's last night and hung out. We had planned to go over to Hollywood but reeled in our plans for fear of it being crazy out because of the holiday weekend.

Now, time to get back to enjoying said weekend...

I treated myself to a little retail courage, my version of liquid courage today at Neiman Marcus, before I start my new job on Tuesday. I'm nervous, but it's a good nervous. However, I wanted to have something new to "start" this new chapter. I have a credit card at Neiman Marcus, and it has a very low balance on it. So, today's goal was shoes and a shirt. I knew they were having a huge sale that started today and scored big time on a pair of Prada sandal flats that will go with everything I own. Yeah, I know, sounds like a splurge but I got them for a third of their price and I'd been eyeing them since I toured the store a few weeks earlier as a motivational push. In a way, this was my way of sealing the deal. A little reward for sticking with that motivation. Plus, I'm in desperate need for new shoes. I've been riding out the ones I have for quite a while during my lean time and it shows.

I am queen of the bargain when it comes to retail. My aunt, who has several houses and let's just say, no shortage of funds, once said something I'll never forget. "Never pay retail." And she's someone who can afford to do so. I always hear her voice when shopping and heed it. And, because of my short stint in the fashion industry, became even more steadfast against it.

I stopped by at Teuscher chocolates to get my blended mocha and turned around to see Jason from the coffee shop coming my way. We laughed at the absolute randomness of us running into each other in Beverly Hills. He was there because his girlfriend was getting her "hair did," as I phrased it, and was killing time during her appointment.

After my jaunt through Neiman's, can I just say this to you ladies who think that zero body fat is attractive? Know this. It ages you a good ten years. At least. Especially if you're over 25. There were so many walking around, sallow skin pleating at their elbows and knees, sunken cheeks and wrinkles that fillers didn't disguise. And, hair that was as devoid of life as the expressions on their faces. There were a few of them there today, walking scarecrows who looked exactly what they were trying to avoid, tired and old. With an extra helping of hard bitterness. I'll tell you this, I stayed the hell out of their way.

Oliver's new development is that he's discovered my lap. Before, I had to put him there and he'd tolerate it. Now, he's figured out that the lap means petting and cuddling. He's constantly tapping me on the back with his big paw, wanting attention. And yes, I give it to him. Now, he's finally gotten the lap concept. However, Maine Coons are not especially jumping cats, like Atticus whom I swear has invisible wings and spring-loaded paws. So, the first times he attempted the lap ambush, which is sneaking up behind me while I'm at the computer and jumping aboard with no warning, he had a few mishaps. Those mishaps became my excruciating pain. Imagine a cat who weighs at least 15 pounds trying to keep himself from slipping off your lap because he didn't put enough height into it. It's the equivalent of a 15 pound dumbbell attached to fish hooks that pierce your belly and thigh. And if that wasn't bad enough, the dumbbell being suddenly dropped while still attached to said body parts.

Yeah.

Upon grabbing Oliver's claws and removing from skin: Ow! Oh fuck! Damn! Fuck!

(Upon looking at wounds) Nice. Thanks Oliver. FAIL.

However, he's gotten better and concentrates before lap ambushing, as well as doing his best to keep his claws retracted. It heartens me that he's making these steps, and trusting me enough that he's finding new ways to enjoy life. After the involuntary belly button piercing attempts, I made sure to lift him onto my lap and let him know that yes, he is welcome there.

Today, my employee packet came via Fed Ex. And of course, I was naked when he knocked on the door. I yelled at him to hang on, then dressed quickly and took it from the smiling man. I think he knew I was naked when he knocked. Probably a regular occurrence for them, and they've honed their ears to identify the exact level of stress and surprise in someone's voice when they've surprised them in the buff.

It was exciting to look through the packet and anticipate. I was impressed by how they organized it. Once again, extremely smart and thought out. At that, I continue to prepare. Doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, buying groceries and whatever so I can be free of mind clutter.

Oh, and of course...buying a new pair of designer shoes.

Enjoying a large mocha at Starbucks, because I've needed a change of place from my regular digs. For those of you who don't know, and I didn't...you can buy a $5.00 Starbucks card, which enables you to use their free Internet for 30 days or so. All those times I had Starbucks cards, I never knew and could have benefited. So, if you have one and aren't a T-Mobile subscriber, there you go. My usual place has free internet, but they cut off their outlets due to some a-holes who abused the privilege. One such a-hole would sit for HOURS, get one regular coffee and do the refills all day. I'm not sure how much refills were, but they weren't much. Maybe twenty-five cents. And, wouldn't tip. Not only that, he came in with enough computer equipment for E.T. to phone home and chat up all the other people there who were the wanderers. His "presence" was very large there and took up a lot of space. Not only that, but these people prevented a lot of others who came there for coffee and conversation from sitting at tables. Too bad that a few bad apples...you know the rest. They did it under the guise of electrical problems but the workers told me differently. Unfortunately, for people like me who went there for a short time, if I wanted to use the Internet, it greatly reduced the time I'd sit there as I have an older laptop that doesn't have an internal wireless receiver. I plug in an external one that really eats the battery.

There have been some wonderful developments and though they aren't final, I think it's safe to discuss them now. For two months, I've been going through an interview process for a great job. The more people I interviewed with, the more I realized that they were a place that nurtured and brought the best out of people like me. I could just feel it, that they "got" how creative people work as they were all creatives themselves. It was odd, because one day I sent my resume in cold to the company when I saw an ad for a marketing copywriter on their site. Two days later I had a response from them, wanting to speak to me. For some reason, I've gotten lucky in doing that. All of my favorite jobs and the trek they put in motion for making lifelong friends and contacts have been from sending in that resume cold, with no connections. So, it does happen people. Well, in interviewing, I found out that this job was even cooler than I expected. Way cooler, and hip. So, after interviewing with some incredibly talented, accomplished and interesting people, I learned this week that I landed it. To say I'm excited is an understatement. I haven't started yet and will probably do so sometime next week. Interestingly enough, and I know you all are going to wanna kill me, but it's full-time with benefits and a mostly work from wherever you want position. Meaning, at home, Starbucks, a sweat lodge, Ferris wheel, the Roman Catacombs (as long as you can email from there)...wherever. There will be times that I'll go into the office, which will be good as well. I look forward to seeing how it works. This is a stable, major company which has been the standard in the entertainment industry forever. It's not going anywhere but up. They have offices all over the world and people that will be doing what I do in major cities like New York, London, Paris you name it. The person whom I'll be working for devised an incredibly smart way to market and not only that, is funny and very laid back. All said, everyone I spoke to is very dedicated to what they do and loves it. This is why I've been relatively quiet on my blog for a while, as there was a lot going on. Needless to say, I'm thrilled.

Thanks for sticking with me through the quiet people. I promise things will pick up again.

For those of you following the extremely sad story of Air France flight 447, I point you to Dave's site, who has some insight and intelligent comments from his readers. Dave is a commercial airline pilot who mostly flies the same kind of aircraft that disappeared mid-flight over the Atlantic. He offers a couple of possible scenarios from a pilot's perspective, one which had me looking up what a "super bolt" of lightning was on Google.

His has been a favorite blog of mine for some time because of his fantastic writing and descriptions of his travels, and when air disasters happen it's always helpful and interesting to get his point of view. As a somewhat nervous flier, even though I've gotten better over the years, I always think of Dave at the helm when taking off, the time I'm most afraid and it's done wonders for my nerves.

Even so, the Air France accident is a sad and tragic event which plagued my mind last night. I not only was thinking of the terror that the passengers must have endured, but of course their family and friends who lost loved ones. My sister is a flight attendant for a major airline, and while I know airline travel is extremely safe it's still jarring when things like this happen. I could only offer prayer for the victims and families. I know I was one of many whose prayers were drifting up into the ether, joining hands with the prayers of others. I prayed for strength for the ones left behind.

UPDATE: Just read in the comments that Dave's post about this accident made the BBC News website.

What a tool.

I mean...seriously.

Well, Kcuf.

I just found out from the IRS that all of my refunds were sent to Baltimore. My accountant had my old address and therefore they went to my old apartment. Luckily, I still know the owner of the building and I'll let him know. They were probably just sent back to the post office, as the people in the building don't know me anymore. The owner/landlord, however, I'm still in touch with. He's a great guy whom I adore. I wondered, because the "where's my refund" portion of the site told me that the checks had been sent on May 8th. Yes, I'm getting more than one. No, don't ask. I'll just say this. Extensions. And I'm not talking about the kind you see on name-that-random starlet's head here in Los Angeles. However, the good news is now I know what's going on. I was fearful that they'd gotten lost in the mail. And, when calling my mailbox the c-word every time it yielded no checks didn't make them magically appear the next day, I spoke to a real live person at the IRS. I have to say, every time I've dealt with the IRS, they've been helpful and friendly. Okay, so there was one lady who'd cached in her smile chips for the day, but hey, I eventually won her over. Just a little bit.

What this means, is that it will be a few weeks before I get my refunds. Phooey.

In other news, things are still going well and that "good thing" I mentioned is still a very real possibility. I'm keeping it close to the vest for now for obvious reasons, but it's put me in good spirits.

I'm taking care of the neighbor's kitties, who are just adorable. It was cute how they asked me, knowing I have cats. And, previously I've asked them about theirs a few times. They are a young married couple who live in one of the studios in the building on the first floor. And, one of their cats is named Oliver. A black beauty with amber eyes. And, just a sweetie. I've enjoyed my time with them.

I'm at Starbucks today, cheating on my local coffee shop. I saw another regular who is also cheating. Sometimes you just have to break from routine. It gives you a fresh perspective. Plus, I love the huge pine trees near this store. I'm sitting outside and hearing the wind filter through them. It always is interesting to me to see the humanity that comes into Starbucks. How, that they decided to make getting coffee a part of their day. The auto mechanic with the Midas patch on his shirt on walking in with his wife, the multitude of teenagers, lots of laptop warriors and families. A big, muscled African-American man smoking a thin cigar who smiled at me, maybe thinking his size could be seen as intimidating when we met eyes. He was standing, me sitting. It's one of the perks of being a woman. Men, who wouldn't crack smiles for other men, show you courtesy. It's hard to explain, but I've had it happen many, many times. You know it when you see it. It's pure chivalry.

A couple days ago, I struck up a conversation with a veteran teamster. He'd again, shown that chivalry. He told me about working on "Predator" in the Mexican jungle. Very interesting, as I'd just watched it recently on HBO again. The first time I saw it, I was staying my my dad and step mom's house in New Jersey when they lived in London. They had a huge, wall-sized TV, so it was like seeing it on a movie screen. I was flipping channels, it was on and I decided to watch it. Well, not only was I not expecting it to be as good as it was, but also didn't expect it to scare the crap out of me for the rest of the night. They lived in a house surrounded by trees, including a half-acre of wild wooded area behind their house. After the movie, I closed every single blind over the windows and jumped at any noise from outside. I swore I was going to see a glint of distortion in the forest, then a triangle of red sighting lasers float across my chest before I was blown to oblivion. I didn't expect the monster to be as scary as it was, nor the movie so creepy. He told me a few stories from the set, such as the deaths that occurred during filming. For you fainthearted, you may want to skip this part. But, he told me about an accident that happened when they were rigging the props for a scene where the commandos first see the hanging skinned bodies of the other commandos. Before shooting, when they were hoisting the helicopter up into the tree, a cable snapped with such force that it cut two workers in half at the torso. These were Mexican nationals, and he saw the entire thing. I've researched that story on the internet and haven't been able to find anything, but it's not something that a major studio will publicize unless it's unavoidable like the Twilight Zone Movie deaths. Also, that accident happened in America, not the Mexican jungle. If anyone knows about it, please point me to the information so I can link to it.

Otherwise, I've been in a happy state for many reasons. Things are starting to make sense. I'll explain more about that when I can.

Some more Oliver adorableness. Here he is kneading my shawl, with it in his mouth of course. This time, he gets his back legs into the action. No shawls were harmed in the making of this video.

Written on May 11, 2009

The weather has cooled off thankfully. Now it's back to normal May weather. Nice during the day, cool at night. There are some good developments that have been happening, but I won't mention them here yet as they are still in progress.

I don't have much to report otherwise.

Last night, I drove to the grocery store to settle my ice cream cravings that I've been having lately. Jeez, we get a little hot weather and I'm raiding the Ben & Jerry's selection in the freezer aisle.

On my way there, I saw a Cadillac SUV pulled over by my building in a haphazard way, with flashers on. The passenger door was open, which led me to look at my building, then notice the two young guys pressed up against the wall between the palm trees, taking a leak. Usually, I'd get irked at that, but for some reason this time it cracked me up. They just looked so helpless and caught well...with their pants down. They noticed me at the same time and turned around guiltily. I rolled down my window, and one of them looked like he was bracing for a tirade from me, but I merely smiled and shook my momma finger at them. They laughed, I laughed and one of them yelled repeatedly at me, "I'm sorry!" It was hilarious. I guess they really had to go.

After a night at the bar, Shannon and I hit up Bob's Big Boy where my neighbor waited on us. The two of them took swipes at each other succeeding in both embarrassing and cracking me up. It's always weird having my neighbor wait on me, but after a couple times I'm used to it now.

The weird thing is that I looked over Shannon's shoulder and saw the sallow man. I couldn't believe it. It was three in the morning, and there he was talking some other poor guy's ear off. Luckily, he didn't see me, but my neighbor already knew him by name. Just before that we'd been at the local pub, that is, after Shannon pounded on my window because he wanted to go out. Funny thing, is well, I was indisposed at the time that he did it, so when he moved to the bathroom window I had to yell at him that I couldn't move. Anyway, it was funny and we were on Nolan's bar stools fifteen minutes later. We ended up talking to three stunt men who were really fun to talk to. I tell you, those guys have nerves of steel. I'd gone to put some songs in the juke and when I returned, Shannon had struck up a conversation with them. He went next and told them, "watch over her." The three surrounded me and though I didn't know that Shannon had said that to them, I had a sudden sense of security. They were very nice, confident but approachable and were extremely comfortable in their own skin. And, funny.

Written on May 6th, 2009

Hot. Dry. Windy.

I came home after eating soup next door to one of my neighbors sleeping on his stomach feet from my door, beads of water glistening on his tan skin from a dip in the pool, in his swim trunks with his toes dangling over the edge into the water. I took his cue and left my door open, stretched out on my couch and fell into a light sleep as I listened to the wind chimes in the courtyard. Perfect.

When I woke, it was hot. I relented, shut the windows and blinds, then turned on the air conditioning. I can't sleep well when it's hot, so let the cooling of my apartment begin. It's so funny when I compare my hot weather posts to ones like this. Both have their merits.

It looks like I have three little earthquake predictors in my house. They were acting nuts the day before the earthquake, so much that I actually Tweeted it. Look to the right if you don't believe me. And, the follow up after the quake hit. I got a lot of emails from people because I also updated that on other social networking sites. It was just a little quake, but nearby and shallow so it was felt in a lot of areas.

That day, they were "off." Just wandering around as if looking for something, and extra jumpy. Oliver roamed around the pool area meowing, which was very unlike him and Atticus raced around the house. Scout was extra alert and also went looking...as if something was making a noise and she was trying to find out what it was. It was odd enough that I noticed it. I can't explain it. I even said to them, "Are we going to have an earthquake?"

I let them out when I'm home, and make sure that they stay within the pool area. I leave my door open so I can keep an eye on them. They're really good about sticking around, and it's funny when a noise spooks them and all three come racing in. I never, ever let them out if I'm not home. Too much risk out there, but I know they love it so this way they get to stretch their legs a bit. And eat grass, and then come inside and throw it up right beside me. Um. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm glad there's an enclosed area where they can walk around and socialize with my neighbors.

There are some other things going on that are good, but I just can't mention them here! I've been in a good state of mind lately. Especially tonight when I was taking a rest on my couch. It was one of those quiet dusks where everything just takes a breath and cooperates. So, you find the rhythm and breathe in time with it.

Thanks everyone for your emails and help. I deleted the post because time has passed for the project. I didn't win, because well, I ran out of time before I could complete my whole project. It was for a focus group that I was doing for a wireless company. In the end, I just ran out of time and energy. A very neat and fun lady won. By then, knowing I hadn't finished, I knew I wasn't in the running but I gave them some good stuff. It was for an extra $100 on top of the $200. Would have been nice, but I'm not complaining by any means.

And for those of you who need extra cash, you should look up companies that do focus groups in your area and see if you can get on their lists. They pay in cash and usually $75-$250 cash, depending on what you're doing.

Now, for this comments thing, I'm at a loss. Apparently, some of you can see them while others can't. I can't, so I'm going to leave them up for this post. If you can see them, let me know.

Now, back to Ghost Hunters.

We finally got a reprieve from the three-day heat wave. I plan to walk later in my gorgeous neighborhood, as I have a feeling many others will do. It's crisp with a slight wind and partly cloudy. Perfect.

I've had some great prospects and that's all I'm going to say for now. I'm hoping for the best and keeping my fingers crossed.

On April 15th, I was sitting smugly in my apartment, watching the news about people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes when it hit me. I hadn't mailed in my state taxes. They were finished, just not mailed! A couple weeks before, I'd turned in my Federal taxes in person at the IRS office, to a no-nonsense humorless old lady whom I finally won over enough to get one of the corners of her mouth to turn up. Just barely. Even so, I felt triumphant. I'd cracked through the iron curtain frown of a veteran IRS worker two weeks before tax time.

So, back to that night. Smug as a bug in a rug until I looked over at those envelopes. I went to my local post office and just missed the cut off time. When I walked in, they were helping their last customer, a guy who I'm sure was thinking when I was turned away, "Sucks to be you."

I waited for rush hour to pass, then drove to the post office in Van Nuys, that was staying open until midnight. When I arrived, news vans were lined up in front, newscasters readying for the 11:00 broadcast. I was NOT going to be on TV. Not a chance that I was going to be the object of someone's smugness. There were a ton of cars going into the post office lot, but parking was easy to find once in. Inside the post office, people were surprisingly cooperative with each other and in helpful moods. One guy passed out the rest of his stamps to those who needed them, and another guy saw me standing in line with a stamp and offered to by one for a dollar. I told him not to be silly, that he could just have one. He absolutely refused and put the dollar in my open purse. Feeling horrible, I tried to give it away but there were no takers. Someone said, "Play the lottery." It was funny. I just felt so bad about taking a dollar for a stamp, but perhaps it was worth it to that man who didn't want to stand in line for a single stamp.

Either way, I got them in and avoided being on TV. On the way home, I saw a horrific accident on the other side of the freeway. Firetrucks, police and ambulances everywhere, and on the other side of it, traffic backed up for miles. How close we all come to things. That was the freeway I had taken to get there. Had I waited another half hour...who knows. It didn't look like there were fatalities, but there were probably some pretty serious injuries.

On a lighter note, I took this funny video of Oliver. He makes this adorable chattering sound when I play with him with the laser. It just cracks me up. Make sure your sound is up to view the adorableness in its entirety.

I decided to shelve the hiatus. Sorry for the false alarm. I'll explain later. It's due to a good thing, to all you who wrote worried. Either way, the blog will continue without interruption.

I went to a colleague's book signing on Wednesday. The book signing was for Evan Wright's Hella Nation. And, if you like fantastic slice-of-life stories from the fringes, this is the book for you. From knowing Evan, he's a great story teller and very funny in his descriptions of the extreme people and situations that he's profiled. I met Evan while he was in the office for Season Four of The Wire, working with David Simon on Generation Kill, an HBO Series based on his book by the same name. Evan was a great addition to the office and we shared many a conversation over the dartboard that was in my office. And, he and his wife have two Maine Coon cats.

When I got to the store, I followed an attractive tall blond man whose looks screamed Scandinavian, and his friends up the escalator. I wondered if the tall blond man was Evan's relative because of well...the tall and the blond thing. Evan is tall and blond. They took a seat in the front row as did I, and they were later joined by another friend, a hip looking guy in a gray knit cap.

David Markland of L.A. Metblogs and I had exchanged emails beforehand, as he was planning to go as well. Sure enough, he found me out of the crowd and we chatted a bit. It was great to meet a fellow blogger IRL. "In Real Life" for those of you who aren't up in geek speak. Hi David!

Anyway, I decided to see if Evan recognized me, as I hadn't seen him since middle of 2005 in Baltimore. Talk about out of context, so my bets were on no. And, my hair has grown quite a bit since last time. When he came in, his eyes lingered for a second, perhaps trying to place me but the recognition didn't come. I would later learn what he was thinking, that I resembled a woman who was stalking him and he wondered if I was her!

He read a couple of passages from his book, one which was hilarious. These are a collection of essays from his days as a journalist from publications ranging from Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair and Hustler. Yes, Hustler.

When the signing started, the group of blonds and knit cap hung around for quite awhile and talked to Evan. I think David told me he thought they were Generation Kill actors, but because everyone had their heads shaved I couldn't place them, much like Evan couldn't place me. When my turn came up, I stood there and asked if he knew me, then waited a second. I then gave him some hints and it all came back.

"The dart board!" he said. Just for the record, he's the only man who could get away with calling me that. When he realized I wasn't his stalker, just a dart board, we chatted a bit, but I knew it wasn't the place to take up too much time as there were more people in line. And, he'd said he had a fever. He wrote his email address in the book and signed it, "You are awesome," which was great.

David interviewed Evan with a very cool little camera, then darted off to catch Lost. After things wound down, I met Evan's wife, whom I'd heard so much about while on "The Wire," so it was great to see people, like David, materialize from blogs and stories to real life. It was there that I showed him a picture of Oliver and learned his Maine Coon cats were alive and well. Even his wife remembered me from stories Evan had told about his time in Baltimore. She was very cool.

It was there that I learned David and I had been sitting next to two vampires. Evan told me that they were actors from Gen Kill. When he said one of their names, it all came back. The other's name I didn't recognize, I'm sorry tween girls...I'm sorry. I just didn't. Yeah, I know. I suck and am old. But, when Evan told me he was in Twilight, which I'd seen, I was pretty sure which character he played. Does that count?

Shut up.

What I couldn't believe, was that I didn't recognize the first guy, Alexander Skarsgard, the tall Scandinavian, who's on a show that I just love, called True Blood. He plays a very old vampire named Eric Northman, who owns a vampire nightclub. Funny thing was that I'd interviewed his father, Stellan, who plays Will Turner's father in the Pirates movies, on the red carpet for the second movie. The other vampire, the one in the knit cap whose name I didn't recognize, is named Kellan Lutz. Evan told me he was in Twilight, and has lots of fans and fan sites. I verified when I got home that he plays Emmett Cullen in Twilight. That came in the form of cracking up loudly on the phone to Shannon when I put two and two together. A note to the tweens...he's cute in film, but much better looking in person.

After the signing, I went to the Farmer's Market and had a French crepe filled with Nutella and banana. Sweet Jesus. I guess the vampires were hungry too, because as I ate Kellan walked back and forth from a patio bar next to where I was satisfying my appetite near a Mexican place. When I left, I saw them at a table at the bar. For those of you who haven't been to the Farmer's Market, it's an outdoor area with shops and food, and table areas throughout. It's great food, great people watching and a good time. My mom and I went when she visited and she really enjoyed it.

Once again, get the book. Hella Nation by Evan Wright.

After all, all the vampires are reading it.

To the people of Italy or those who have relatives there, you are in our thoughts and prayers today. I was up when news broke about the quake and was hoping that it wasn't that bad. Unfortunately that isn't the case.

Wanna hear a rockin' song with unbridled energy, click here. Should start playing right away. If not, click the player.

And, I happen to know the lead singer. Incredible talent, fantastic soulful-tinged rock vocalist. I have a lot of her stuff as a solo artist on my iPod. And, she's a good person too!

My recommendation? Download it and play it loud in your car. However, I'm not responsible for any sudden compulsions to drive like this.

I've been buried under work and taxes. Thankfully, not the usual pairing with taxes. I'm completely beat, and finished with taxes, but not work. In fact, I have one more bit of work to do tonight, and more tomorrow.

I had a very pleasant turn of the day when my friend Felix came over. It was great to see him and catch up a little. Unfortunately, my apartment was a complete paper-strewn sty when he came over, but hey, I've known him for almost 20 years. Yesterday, I'd IM'd him about my computer going on the fritz and sent a picture of my screen. It turned out as he suggested, it was only the video card. And just my luck, he happened to have a spare one and came over today to install it! He lives about half an hour from me, but was going to Fry's computer store which is nearby. He also beefed up the security system for my wireless modem and computer in general. And, hooked up a digital cable that I wasn't aware worked on my computer. I've known Felix since my NewTek days and we've stayed friends ever since. We were both in tech support, which has got to be one of the worst jobs ever. Eventually, we got out of it and moved to other parts of the company. I was moved into marketing which included traveling to set up and work at shows like NAB, E3, CES and the like. You geeks will know what those mean. Felix is someone with a thousand stories and funny as hell. He's also a computer genius. And this is where I get to say that I have some great friends. I'm incredibly lucky in that regard, because being someone who hasn't always been easy to be friends with when I had undiagnosed depression, that is saying a lot. When I look back, the one thing I can say that I hit the jackpot with is the people that I've met in my life. And while right now I'm pinching pennies, in the people arena I'm very wealthy.

Felix is also one of Oliver's benefactors. It was great that they got to meet. And for you other benefactors and those of you who ask about Oliver, this is one of my most recent pictures of him. Each month, he'll relax a little more. He's plenty happy and friendly, but all of a sudden he's been purring much more. Just warms my heart. I'm so proud of him.

I got lucky again when I moved here and ended up next to a cafe where I met Rose, the spunky, funny and smart owner who's actually done what most people only dream about doing. She opened the damn cafe. We became fast friends on my first day here when the 18-wheeler that was carrying my furniture blocked out the sun in front of her cafe. She kindly offered the movers some drinks and was instantly likable. She lets people into her life with an ease that I wish I possessed. Her cafe is known for its delicious soups and sandwiches, and there is always a line out the door of chic entertainment industry folks. It's the darling of the studios here and she has some fantastic customer tales. She really needs her own reality show. This is one of the delicious soups...a favorite of mine, pumpkin soup. For you veggies, all the soups are vegetarian and are scrumptious.



Rose's mother helps out and I've become friends with her as well as the waitress who looks like a Russian Kate Moss. I feel really lucky to have happened upon them, and miss them on the weekends when they are closed.

Okay, for this next one...you all better be sitting down. No, it's no big deal but just may surprise you. I've applied at one of the major bookstores here. I've been contemplating it for months and finally went in and did it. I currently work from home and am going stir crazy. I need to branch out and have a bit more social activity during the day or whenever in a work sense. Second, I think 32 hours a week will get me health insurance. Last but not least, I need the money and the economy here isn't the best. It's a low stress solution and to be honest I've missed it. I really enjoyed it when I worked in the Calabassas store. I made sure that I met the manager and told him outright that I had three years experience. He said there just might be something opening up at the end of March, and that they prefer someone with experience. So, we'll see. I was surprised to hear even that since the economy is so bad. Of course, when I got home I got two calls from creative agencies that have been silent for weeks. Murphy's Law. However, I'm getting tired of the fits and starts of freelancing. If I can have two steady gigs, one that offers insurance while I look for full-time work, that will be ideal.

Speaking of work, I better get to it.

That's me at Coach and Horses in Hollywood, taken by Shannon last week. The place had been wall to wall people and was in its last half hour of being open. After that, we went to Toi on Sunset, which is a Thai Restaurant that stays open until 4 AM. I think Quentin Tarantino opened it in the early to mid-90s, and it's still rockin'. It's also walking distance from C&H and both of us were feeling that after-bar hunger, even though I went pretty easy that night.

Coach and Horses really has been around forever, at least for LA standards. It was there that I found the back of my head between the cushiony breasts of a Playboy Playmate. Oh, that will get me some interesting Google referrals. But, it was true. I was sitting at the bar and felt the two pillows, like a soft hug. Then a lock of curly bleach-blond hair fell on my shoulder as the woman stretched over me to get her drink. I turned around, my eyes meeting cleavage I don't even dare to dream about having. "Sorry!" She said and smiled. "No worries," I said, "but there were some guys in the room that would probably have enjoyed that a lot more than I did." I can't help myself sometimes. But, she got the joke and laughed. After all, she'd probably heard it all. She stuck out in the place like well...a Playmate in a neighborhood bar. Tall, blond, gloriously plastic and buxom. The guys in the place recognized her and I heard the murmurs of "Playmate" all over the place. Apparently, she was currently on the cover of the magazine at the time. She was very friendly with everyone. And I'm sorry guys, I don't remember her name. So don't ask. And I'm sorry that experience was wasted on me.

I found a great web site that I link to now. For you cat lovers or just novelty lovers, Cooper the cat is attached with a collar camera that takes pictures every few minutes. He's become quite famous and it's fascinating to get a cat's eye view of the world. His owner has a special camera crafted for him that is very lightweight and doesn't bother the cat at all. He's even had his first art show! Aside from the absolute adorableness factor, the site is darn cool.

I noticed that I have "followers" for my blog now. Gee, no pressure now! I like it though, as I get to see who you are too, your blogs, and the blogs you link to. I also like that your blogs are clickable from here, so people can explore from mine. It sounds funny though, followers, as if I'm some cult leader.

Last night, some douchebag threw a full-sized intact refrigerator into our trash dumpster. Aside from being wholly illegal, inconsiderate, environmentally unfriendly and just plain stupid...I want to know how the hell they got it in there. I couldn't believe it when I opened the top, which for me is shoulder height. So again...how did they get it in there? And why? This morning though, it was gone. I told the landlord the night before so I don't know if he dealt with it or what. But what did they think, that the garbage men would just dump it in the truck? I sure hope they saw it before they hooked it up to that forklift flip thing that dumps all the trash into it. Or, that my landlord was able to get it out. I did hear some activity in the morning before the garbage men came, so hopefully that was it. Whether there was a corpse inside... I haven't heard.

Sometimes I can be such an idiot when it comes to taking my medication. It's the classic case of me having no sense of time and the feeling okay, so I forget to take it bullcrap that gets so many people on any kind of prescription into trouble. I'm on an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety medication that I'm supposed to take every day. Of course, I forget and I'll skip a day, or two...or three. I always knew I wasn't the best at remembering to take them every day, but I learned how bad that I'd gotten when in December, I needed to get a prescription filled and the woman told me I'd filled my last one over 60 days ago. My prescriptions are for thirty days. I felt well...like an idiot.

Now, for the last 24 hours I've been dealing with nausea that feels all too similiar to when I got sick a while ago. However, this time I got a clue. I realized once again that I haven't taken my medication for several days. I know when I've gone too long because I get a little dizzy if I turn my head, or get weird "waves" in the corner of my eyes. Now, after a little Google search, I learned that the symptoms can include nausea and chills as well, which I'm experiencing right now. I rarely get nauseous, and it's the one thing that I'm a big baby about. I wouldn't be one of those people that could tough out nausea if I were counted on to do it. The show would not go on for me. I hate it, and in my case, nausea can trigger a panic attack for me. Knock on wood, it hasn't done that in a while. But, the knowledge that it can is what gets at me.

So, now I'm sitting up at 6:00 AM, not having slept and waiting for the pharmacy to open at 9:00 so I can get my prescription filled and work on getting my medication levels back to normal. I'm also going to buy one of those pill schedule things for the week so I won't be such an asstool when it comes to remembering to take a pill every day.

The only reason I'm not angry as I could be at myself, is at least I've linked the out of the blue nausea to the most likely culprit. And because I'm such a big baby about feeling tummy icky, it's a valuable lesson to learn that will hopefully motivate me not to repeat this again. It's not healthy to miss doses, and certainly not beneficial when I'm trying to manage depression.

I watched the Oscars while cleaning last night, stopping only to see if Heath Ledger won for supporting actor. I was both thrilled and heartbroken when he did, which is a lesser degree of probably what his family felt. I hope wherever he is, he knows he's not forgotten. And, that his magnificent portrayal of the Joker most certainly inspired some other kid to start acting, who will end up collecting their own Oscar one day. I'm sure that has already been set in motion.

I was also surprisingly moved when they were reading the nominees for Best Actor. I have HDTV for several channels that broadcast in it, so it's crystal clear. When they got to Mickey Rourke, who is a character in his own right, I noticed his hand, that he was holding near his chin, trembling. Call me crazy, but that just got to me. Here was this person who has been to hell and back, dresses eccentrically in a don't mess with me rock star fashion, but when it came down to it, he was trembling at the possibilities of that moment. All of a sudden, Mickey Rourke wasn't a caricature of himself. He was you or me with an incredible achievement so close that you can reach out and touch it. I didn't see Sean Penn in "Milk." I'm sure he was brilliant. I also haven't seen "The Wrestler." But, because of that bit of humanity that peeked through the rings, hair, plastic surgery, necklaces, suntan, goatee, white jacket, tattoos, sunglasses, watch chain, vest and unbuttoned silk shirt, I was pulling for Mickey Rourke. I think he was surprised as anyone that someone was brave enough to take a chance on him, which led him to sitting where he was. And at that exact moment, he realized just how important that Oscar was and let himself want it.

I think that's something we could all benefit from knowing... That it's okay to let ourselves want something once we've worked through the demons to realize we're worthy of having it.

At times in our lives, we may find ourselves in a public frenzy, where everything just goes nuts. Sometimes, you'll happen upon the frenzy. Other times, you'll go to the frenzy. On Monday night, my neighbor and I decided to do the latter. It was a cold night in LA, even by non-California standards. At around midnight, I got a call from my twenty-two-year old next door neighbor who told me to turn on the television. Instead, since I was right in the middle of writing a show recap and had my television playing a DVD, I walked over to her apartment. On every channel, the news was showing a car chase that had now become a stand off happening blocks from us. I stepped outside the door, and sure enough, the humming of the helicopters I'd heard when walking over to her house were indeed that, and louder than I'd realized.

Earlier in the evening, I'd heard about a slow speed car chase going on where the police were chasing a $100,000 Bentley. I didn't think anything of it at the time, and was surprised to see this was the same car. It was sitting in front of a Toyota dealership with the trunk up so the police couldn't see into the rear view window. The news said that the driver was depressed after being sought for assaulting his girlfriend, and that he had a gun. Since there had just been a high profile assault on a girlfriend and the guy was driving a Bentley, all of us came to the conclusion that it was Chris Brown, someone I'd never heard of until he was arrested for assaulting Rhianna the night before.

I don't know what made me want to be a gawker that night, but I did. I asked, C, my neighbor, "Wanna go see?"

She did.

We dressed warmly, me in my fake mouton coat, and got into my car. As we approached the action in Universal City, six helicopters lit up the sky like an alien invasion, some stationary, others circling. We pulled into a Metro station parking lot a couple blocks away and saw that we weren't the only ones who felt like being gawkers that night. There were several paparazzi already jumping the cement wall, huge lenses in hand. As we parked, several cars pulled into the lot behind us. There were already several police cars that had blocked off the street and policemen tried to corral the crowd that was walking toward the standoff. We scaled the cement wall from the parking lot to the sidewalk, proclaiming our insanity as we did so, but kept going anyway. Some people tried to walk directly to the scene via the sidewalk, but the police cut them off. To the left, there was a neighborhood and we veered into it, all of a sudden realizing we'd picked up a woman and two boys who were walking with us. C noticed their accents and asked them where they were from. "Texas," they said. The boys were maybe 11 and 8, and were actors in town to audition for shows during pilot season. Both extremely good-looking kids.

"Welcome to L.A.," I said as a searchlight from a police helicopter swept over us and created temporary daylight. As the 11-year-old excitedly chattered at me, we made our way through the darkened neighborhood to the end of the street. We came across a woman who was barefoot as a result of rushing out to try to get the story. She said she was a reporter who had gotten separated from her friend.

We walked to the side of the last house on the street before the dead end, and reached a fence that blocked access to a city waterway. At least, that's what it is when it rains. Otherwise, they are big cement gulches snaking through the city. You see them in every movie shot in Los Angeles that has a chase scene. Terminator 2 was shot in one, when the T1000 is in an eighteen wheeler chasing John Connor and the Terminator on a motorcycle. Above the waterway was our sought destination, a bridge where there was a large crowd and tons of activity. Between us and the bridge was a steep dirt embankment with a couple foot flat area to walk on. The embankment bumped up against an apartment complex and a cement barrier.

"I know we can get through that fence," I said to the eleven-year-old. "There's gotta be a way through. This is Los Angeles and that's basically a huge skate park below. Someone's cut a hole, I'm sure." He was all too eager to try to find it with me. We went to the end of the fence and sure enough, there was a hole where we could fit through. He pioneered through first and I called to the rest that we'd found a way. The boy then held back the shrubbery for us. A helicopter light passed over us and a German Shepherd barked from someone's back yard. We passed through the hole, the wind whipping our hair, and walked precariously on the dirt grade, hugging the cement wall as we did so. It wouldn't have been a nice tumble into the waterway had any of us fallen. When we made it to the bridge, we scaled the cement barrier and were there. I looked behind me and saw that the barefoot woman had followed us. Shocked, I offered her my shoes to climb over the barrier. They were slip-on Birkenstocks and easy to share. She was extremely grateful, and we helped her over the barrier.

A CBS News van sat parked in front of police crime tape that blocked anyone from going further. A half a block away from it, the white Bentley that we had seen on TV sat in the middle of the road. A smattering of cop cars and police were well...everywhere. Directly behind the Bentley, four police cars sat with doors open, police standing behind them with guns drawn. Paparazzi were running around everywhere, other news vans were parked all over the place and reporters chattered into microphones. C and I stuck together and tried to avoid any news cameras that would forever capture us as "people that go gawk." However, others weren't as embarrassed as we were. They clamored behind the cameras and tried to get on TV. A bunch of guys were dressed in pink and making idiots of themselves behind the reporters. That irritated me, because when it got down to it there was a troubled person in that car and it was very serious. Sure, Los Angeles does turn it into a sideshow and we had been drawn to go there and see it. But, the fact that someone has reached this kind of crisis in their life is no laughing matter. C and I had that in perspective, mentioning it several times. And the thing is, when you see something like this in person it sinks in as that much more real. It's not filtered by a TV screen, no matter how good a resolution it has. Seeing it in person, and feeling the wind, hearing the helicopters, watching the police and the reflection of their lights bouncing off buildings, streets, cars, billboards and people, and yes, being in the frenzy, is so much different. The only thing still and eerily silent was that white Bentley at the center of it all. In its stillness, it was the eye of the hurricane.



This is a zoom of a wide shot that I took. You can see the white car with the trunk up.

C and I maneuvered around, linked arm and arm so we wouldn't get separated. Rumors continued to circle that it was Chris Brown. After about thirty minutes, the police wisely decided to move us back. On the way back to my car, I saw why. A huge SWAT mobile vehicle was making its way toward the Bentley, followed by other armored tactical vehicles that looked like they had battering rams on the front. Finally, the police got the order to move us all back, and we complied. I saw my eleven-year-old urban spelunker partner again and he was still excitedly chattering.

When we got back to the parking lot, it was completely full. We hopped back over the cement barrier and drove home, then watched the rest of the action play out live on the Internet via raw video feed. The TV stations weren't carrying it anymore, as nothing had happened to warrant them breaking in. For about twenty minutes we were treated to the sounds of the helicopter pilot yawning and readying to end his shift. Soon, we heard a female voice from the replacement helicopter. It was that one that would capture the ending of the stand off. The SWAT armored vehicles moved in and blocked off the car, then the SWAT team busted a window in the Bentley. When they opened the car door and didn't pull out a defiant angry suspect, the woman said to her producer, "It looks like he killed himself. Oh, how sad." They pulled the cameras back to not to show it on television. With raw feed, you aren't getting a reporter. You're getting the producers and camera people talking to each other. So, this woman's comments were not broadcast on TV and were genuine. And yes, it was terribly sad that it had to come to an end like that.

Apparently the man was distressed over losing his business, which was a luxury car rental company, and also depressed over the fight with his girlfriend. I thought about what we had witnessed in person; the last moments of a man's life. And, how completely tragic that was. The sad thing is that he would have probably gotten help and little if not any jail time had he just decided to give himself up. His psychological state of mind would have certainly been taken into consideration. But, when one is in a state such as that, perhaps all they can see is the immediate way out.

I think I was compelled to go see this because this has been a hard couple months on me. I wanted to be reminded that I was holding it together pretty well considering. I've felt the pressure of the economy as well and more than a few times questioned if it's worth it anymore to keep trying. Not necessarily because of that, because economic trends pass and are external, but because of the state of non-feeling that I've been in lately. What I mean is, is it worth it to keep trying to succeed, because I don't know what that is anymore.

On Friday, after lunch at Urth Caffe, which I forced myself out of the house to do, I actually found myself in the Bodhi Tree Bookstore reading a book about the Zen path through depression. I hadn't gone there to look for anything. I was just browsing, and like it was trying to get my attention, that book stuck out on the shelf. Interested, I sat in the chair and read the first paragraph. Almost immediately, I felt tears working their way toward my eyes. I didn't let them, but it was nice to know they were there, so readily waiting to be released. The person who wrote it eloquently described what I had gone through during the more severe bouts as well as what I'm going through now, which is a lesser degree of that. I've of course read other books on it, but this one was a way different perspective, which was refreshing. It also offered exercises one can do that may help.

Also, to counter it, I try to step out and do fun things that get me out of my head. I'm lucky to live in a place that offers that. I'm also lucky to have into perspective what depression is. I get it. It's a constantly mutating beast. There is no one answer, so you have to be on your guard and stay one step ahead of it. On days it gets the upper hand, you change your tactic or tough it out the best you can. It's sad that this man couldn't see that. Had he not chosen to end his life, he'd certainly have a long road ahead of him, but I have a feeling he'd be glad to be here right now.